I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize