chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
