They should really pass out barf bags in church
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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