girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize