I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
