I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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