All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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