I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
