kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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