come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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