she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
