Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We have started to decorate penises.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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