He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
