Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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