Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think your dad took our porno
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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