I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
