I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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