Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
