Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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