I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
