im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
