Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
