he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
