i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
