We named our party play list daddy issues
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
