Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
