I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
