When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
