you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
