I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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