What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
