You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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