piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
