I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
