I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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