but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
