Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
