Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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