Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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