Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
