Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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