im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
