I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
