I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
