I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
