she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
