In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this boner is exhausting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
