I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
