remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
