You made me cry and you don't even care
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
