How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
