O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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