The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
