I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
