Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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