I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
