If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
