There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
