Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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