ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
