She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
