Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I only lived at night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
