I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
