Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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