Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
