i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
