Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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