your room smells of hookers.
And success
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
