I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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