Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
