I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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