the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
