She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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