She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
